I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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