plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dick very happy bro
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
