whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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