Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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