I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
