Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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