even my farts smell like vagina
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize