Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
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Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
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also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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