I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
