Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
