New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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