You're so nebulous sometimes
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
