I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
