I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
