By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
