i just wanna soil my oats bro
it hurts more in the daytime
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
