I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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