trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
