He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
