Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
