people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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