I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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