I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
