I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
