If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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