somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
