you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
