matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
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we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
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i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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