Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
