jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
