Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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