i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
