He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
