who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize