Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
