I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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