I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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