**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i barfeds in our rink
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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