wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
