forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
