Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
