Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I think my fart just growled at me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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