Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
