Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize