I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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