I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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