All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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