singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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