is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
