your thong is hanging out like whoa
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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