hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
