I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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