btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't deserve a penis
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
