i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
