Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize