And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
