Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
