Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
