dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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