Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
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He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
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I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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