I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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