all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
