Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize