I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Randomize
