booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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