that's an acceptable place to lick
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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