dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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