drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This house was built for laser tag.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
