i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
