I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
