I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
