they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
