i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
