I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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