so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
